A History of Retardation, the TWW story. (As told by J.G. Mason). I'm going to tell you the story of There Were Wires, so gather round, kids. Way back when we were still young and had ideals and actually worried about sodium sterol lactylate being vegan, a bunch of dudes lived on an island off of the east coast, and were incredibly bored. Like, REALLY bored. There's only so much swimming, port-o-potty tipping, and assorted gaying-off that you can do before its time to focus on something else.