nailo's blog

Sometimes a very tiny little moment worths giving a life time...

A
teenager in front of the mirror, a young handsome fella. All suited up,
hair done, a fancy smile on his face... Everything is smooth,
everything is perfect. Maybe his prom night, maybe first time he is
taking a girl for a date. Whatever it is, probably one of the greatest
days of his life so far. His father, with proud and joy, taps his
shoulder, puts his car's keys to his hands for the first time. Have fun son... have fun

A
woman, having…

Everything was so easy, just as easy as a sunday morning when I was a kid.
No
confusions, no heartbreaks, no responsibilities. Only thing I was
afraid of was the dog at the backyard and only dream that I had was to
be a famous footballer.

I was facing my biggest fear every
time my ball was boucing to back yard and I was achiving my only
biggest dream everytime I was stepping on grasses.
Everything was just perfect...

I was brave enough to face my fears for chasing my dream.

I was,…

i always say "fuck the life!!"  but  at the end  always
life fucks... :s

i shouldn't look back, i know.  anything  we lived, anything we said, any laughter, any tears... all must be stay in past.
it's hard, very hard i know. cause i lived all that with my soul, because all i said, i said with my heart. all laughter, all cries, all breath was for you.
you don't care, you never cared, i know. i was never important for you. i had never been the "one". i was just a shadow of your past, just the image of your memories...
you won't look turn back, you won't remember me at all, i know. you forgot all that we lived, you forgot all that time... you forgot me. you forsake me,
i know...

all the time they are in my head. they are everywhere. they come, they hit and they go... "veni, vidi, vici." i suppose they like doing this. putting me into valley of unknown. "how", "why", "when"... i think i would fight if there where only one... but there are many of them. they always come with another. they don't like being alone i think.
at first i was able to fight. i was strong... they couldn't hurt me like they do now. but time passed, i tried to fight, i tried to run, i tried to hide... but no way. i am tired of this. it is really hard, you can be sure. it is. especially without help. fighting alone... it is the hardest thing in the world. no one to help when you wounded, no one to help when you try to run... no place to hide. there are no arms to hold you.
now, i am here, standing alone against them... a tired worrior. waiting their final hit to fall... questions... soon they will be here.

i tried to be fine... really, i tried very hard. i tried to do what you said. i tried to live what you liked. i never asked. i never stand against you. i just loved you...
i loved you with all my heart. i hugged you with all my soul... you were my life!
i am sorry for every time i failed you, and i thank to you for ever sweetness... thank for all laugh... thanks for you...

"there are times when god asks nothing of his children except silence, patience and tears..."  i read it in a book... can't remember which one but i had many time to think on it. it's absoluty right... i know, everyone had such times, everyone lived the sorrow, more or less... but it is necesarry to live it with silence and patience, at least for me... sometimes i want to scream with all my breath and my soul, or i want to cry thousands of rivers...  but i can't. don't know why, just can't. i just hang on... as i told, every winter has a spring at the end...

i have been trying to find a way to describe what love is. i nearly looked everywhere. i looked at poems, i read novels, i watched movies... i asked lovers... yes... everyone said something... everyone had a word on it. but none of them was good enough...
just before giving up i found it... really... i found it in a piece of cookie. actually it was cookie monster's but who cares, i just found it...
"Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you."